Bestest game evar!!!11

I really should come up with something else to talk about instead of my usual rantings about how befuddled with life I am. Talk about a whiner, eh?

As I write this out I am currently listening to the song "Galileon" by Linde. The album which it appears, Lander, is a great bit of chipmusic released on the 8bitpeoples net label. The album before it, Trenchvent, is also just as groovy. Both make use of FM chips or synths that create FM sounds to a degree that makes you wonder, at least for me, what Sega Genesis game did these songs come from.

The reason I mention these, other than the fact they rock, is because I was messing around today with some pixel art in an attempt to make some vehicles for a Herzog Zwei type game I had in mind. After building a little tank or so, I loaded HZ in a emu and watched the demos cycle through a bit to get a better feel for the look of the game.

Then I searched teh internets a bit for some info on the game itself. I read the wiki and looked at a forums posts here and there and came across a mention of a game called Airmechs.

So, out of curiosity I checked it out. And in doing so, totally destroyed my idea for my own HZ type game.

Airmechs looked so amazingly kickass, I immediately threw my hands up in defeat. How in the holy hell could I compete with that? That was damn near the same game I had pictured in my head whenever I thought about HZ coming back from the grave and onto modern systems.

Ah, once again I am whining. Sorry about that.

Anyway, after having my hopes dashed from seeing that, I began to wonder if I could pull this off. Doubt and uncertainty again clouded my mind. But I was able to pull through it and continue my pixel doodles anyway. I still need to come up with something, and quick but I keep getting different ideas that shove each other around to get my attention. Sooner or later these battling thoughts will settle down at a table come up with a plan of attack, as it were, for a single and concrete idea.

Until then, I continue my best efforts to actually do some work every day toward the cause. Of course Skyrim comes out on Friday.

Crap...

...ooo look teh kitteh!

The worst part, I think, about beginning to write is trying to get the ideas that are in your head out and onto the page.

I'll sit and have these conversations and discussions flowing in my thoughts and never have the fortitude or even guts to put them down. I'll just let them run their course and fade away.

Am I afraid to write them down or is it just shear laziness? Hell, I joined a website that promoted writing by having its members write a 50k word novel every November. I want to get it a try but since signing up I've had not a single idea for it. I was going to rewrite a short novel that I had made for a class in high school where we had to actually made a physical book, bindings and all. I suspect that would have been cheating, so I scratched that idea.

To be honest my writing has taken a bit of a back seat to my desire to make a game in the coming months. That too is starting to become a difficult task as I am still unsure of what game I want to create. Sidescroller, shoot-em-up, RPG, or action game. Even the method is in question. UDK, Gamemaker, Construct 2, or Stencyl. Never mind that I am not an artist or a musician either. And programming? Buh...

When I first got a hair up my ass about wanting to create instead of just watching everyone else, I wanted to make a webcomic of some sort, but again ideas and the fact I can't draw well kept holding me back. It is my apparent lack of ambition keeps me from drawing everyday, practicing the piano tutorials on Garageband everyday, writing about anything everyday.

I just looked back at what I just wrote and have to laugh at myself. Three hundred plus words in already and they keep flowing onto the virtual keyboard.

Until a thought came and shut the valve off...

Anyway, I've been trying to free myself of distractions for a while now. Thinking that will help in my quest for a better life. Boxing up my games for a year. Taking only my absolute favorites with me when I moved as well as only a handful of movies. I brought a large chunk of my book, but barely touched them. I've done more book reading on my iPad than an in a physical book. I look at my computer and wonder if bringing it was a wise choice. Of course without it I couldn't be attempting game creation. Then again, I might not be in the situation that I am now currently residing in either.

I can only keep trying everyday, keep forcing myself everyday. If not, failure once again awaits me at the door. And quite frankly, I am getting sick and tired of his visits.